my skills include hesitating, missing opportunities, and being full of regret

ashketchurn:

Reblog all of my selfies for a chance to win an iPhone 5!

exit the womb they said

life will be great they said

dirtylittledamsel:

I Should’ve Saved That Gif When I Had The Chance Because Now I Can’t Find It: The Musical

egberts:

svvitzerland:

egberts:

svvitzerland:

svvitzerland:

 What is the opposite of a restaurant?

a workaurant

i hope you get arrested for this joke

i think i need to get arworked

turklet:

the moral of the story is never have feelings for anybody ever

timelordy-teganbreann:

swim-two-birds:

If you’ve never read Shakespeare’s plays, you’re missing out on some quality zingers.

are you telling me that shakespeare was doing your mom jokes in his plays